Failure has a bad reputation. The fear of failing can keep some people from even trying to succeed at all. I say that not only should you not fear failure, but that you should embrace it. When it comes to dating and trying to meet people, if you aren't failing very much, then you aren't trying enough. My goal is to show people that failing is not that big a deal.
I decided to do a mingle experiment to explore this concept.
Ask for phone numbers from interesting women that I meet during a given day, until I get turned down.
For seven days in a row.
*I have to ask women for numbers that I sincerely want to see again. No forcing it.
*I have to ask someone I just met or don't know. No using a "ringer" that I already know.
*I have to keep going until I fail once per day, no matter how many times I am successful.
*I have to ask until I fail for seven straight days.
Note: I will not be discussing any successful attempts that I have during this process. This study is about the failures...
As usual I will be risking my own reputation to help and entertain people. Enjoy...
(Day 4--Macy's Department Store)
I decided to go to the mall today to do a little shopping. The mall is not the best place for meeting someone interesting over 21, but, of course, I try to keep my eyes open for opportunities anywhere I go. I walked into Macy's and was immediately greeted by a friendly female employee of the store.
I was looking at some umbrellas because I had given mine away to an elderly woman who didn't have one during a rainstorm (shameless self promotion).
In the umbrella box there were some pink ones and some black ones. So I asked what I thought was a reasonable question: "Are these all women's umbrellas? I don't want to accidentally get stuck with an unmanly one."
The woman did not flinch and said "No, um, they're black." Hey, there could have been flowers all over them in the part that was covered up. I didn't know. So I said to her, "You just said that like I was stupid or something. That was a reasonable question." She just stood there and slightly smiled. Didn't try to apologize. Didn't agree. Just stood there. Call me crazy, but I thought that was extremely cool. I have written many times that guys shouldn't be kiss-ups, and the same is true for women. I appreciated her lack of an attempt to try to sugar up the situation.
In any case, we talked for a little while about random things, but that first interaction was enough on it's own for me to ask to see her again. She said she had a boyfriend who worked as a stand up comedian and that I should come see him. So, that was that. No big deal.
I mentioned in a previous post that I do not automatically rule out women who work in service jobs. Yes, they are paid to be nice to you. I get that. 9 times out of 10 they may be acting nice only for the sake of their job, and I don't blame them for that. However, that doesn't mean that being successful is never possible in that situation. I refuse to completely rule someone out just because the odds may be low. That is an attitude of someone who is afraid to fail. Boooo.
In all four of my posts so far the conversation continued even after I was turned down. I never sensed any discomfort from the women that I asked. This is one of my main goals: find a way to ask in the most casual way possible so that both sides are comfortable. This is nearly impossible if you come on too strong or too complementary before you even know the person.
Every failed interaction in this challenge so far has involved employees of some kind. Does this mean that you should never try to talk to people in these situations? Most definitely not! There may be a time when you really wish you could see someone again that happens to be working, or there may be a time when the employee really wishes you would ask. Why not take your shot? Maybe they say yes, maybe they say no. Life will go on either way.
Quit making such a big deal about asking someone for a number. Getting the number or getting turned down should not be a major event. This attitude is part of what makes people stress out during these situations. If you feel like there may be a connection with someone, don't hesitate to try to arrange to talk to them again sometime. Keep it casual and be respectful and it will usually go smoothly regardless of the outcome.
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