So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips for you.
I have decided to give updates and new information on each of my original 101 Tips For Social Success With Class.
You can find the updates in blue italics at the end of the original post at the bottom of this page. Happy mingling!
A big problem that a lot of single people have when it comes to dating is that they have the wrong focus. They often think that being single is a failure of some kind. As a result, they have the mindset of "I gotta find a girlfriend, wife, etc. as fast as possible." Big mistake. This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP #27: CHANGE YOUR DATING FOCUS
(1) If your focus shouldn't be on finding a girlfriend, wife, etc., then where should it be? If you really want to give yourself the best chance of finding someone to date, you should probably focus on finding people to hang out with first. Get to know them a little. If you have been following my posts then this suggestion should not come as a surprise. When you have a goal of just meeting people and seeing what happens, there is a much greater chance that you will be able to relax and be yourself.
(2) There is nothing wrong with having a goal of finding a wife or girlfriend. My point is that you should not be consumed with this goal. If you are a single person and your dream is to get married, then focusing on finding single people to spend time with (who may eventually become dates) can help take the pressure off of dating situations.
(3) The worst thing you can do is to start measuring everyone you meet with your dating criteria from the beginning. Sizing up every woman you meet will likely make you come across as a desperate player. Not good. Also, you will be bored while you sit around waiting for the perfect "one" to show up. Nobody wants that. Taking a desperate approach may also let someone good get away that you might not realize is a great match for you.
The good part of this way of thinking is that you will start to have more women to pick from when you are choosing your dates. You won't have the pressure of trying to make everything magic from the beginning or of having to settle for someone that you didn't really want to be with because of a lack of choices.
Note: Remember that women may assume that you are asking them out for a date when you are only asking them to hang out. Be careful not to tease or lead someone on.
UPDATE: (4) Desperation is usually obvious. One problem with being obsessed with finding a girlfriend or wife is that your desperation shows. Desperation and neediness are high on the list of turnoffs, so you definitely don't want to get into those areas. Your best bet is to live your life, get involved in a lot of activities that you enjoy, and be ready to meet someone at any moment.
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