So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips for you, as I update my original posts. New information is below the original post.
Very few things cause more problems in a relationship than lack of communication. This is true when things are just starting out or after fifty years of marriage. This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP # 77: BE DIRECT
Being direct does not mean that you should be rude or mean. You can still be direct and use tact. It just means that you should not beat around the bush or play games in certain situations. Here are some thoughts:
(1) Don't hint at the boyfriend question. Don't get all cute and drop hints in a conversation with a woman to try to find out if she has a boyfriend by saying things like "I bet your boyfriend wishes he was here" or something like that. Lame. If there is a connection and you want to ask her out, be a man and ask her for a way to get in touch.
(2) Don't be a sugar blower. Don't feel a need to kiss up and definitely don't feel like you have to be insincerely peppy. Genuine, calm and comfortable is always the best way to go.
(3) Say what you mean, mean what you say. If someone is asking you where you want to go, what you want to do, etc., then don't try to be nice and say something like "whatever you want to do." This kills me. There is nothing wrong with stating your opinion. Keeping your word also goes a long way to showing good character.
(4) Be clear about your intentions. I am not suggesting that you rush into anything or get pushy. If you know you aren't interested, though, don't lead someone on. That is just plain mean.
(5) Don't be afraid to disagree. You have a right to your opinions. There is no need to walk on eggshells and never disagree just because you are afraid of offending someone. "Yes men" get old fast. Act like a genuine person with real (and sometimes different) opinions.
UPDATE: Be careful about being too direct too soon. Taking things slowly is sometimes the best approach, especially when it comes to dating. If you are too direct, you may scare someone off who would otherwise like you. It is almost always better to slow things down if you know there is a good chance you will see someone again. You are probably better off saving your direct elevator speech for those times when you know that will be the only shot you have.
Follow me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
***Don't miss a post. Get free email updates below.
AS FEATURED ON: