I think that one of the biggest mistakes people make in social situations is that they become too results oriented. They worry too much about getting the job, getting applause, or getting a phone number. The reason that this approach is a mistake is that you really don't have any control over the result. All you can do make your best effort and see what happens. This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP #8: DON'T BE TOO RESULTS ORIENTED
When you are able to get the result purpose out of your mind, it is much easier to relax and be yourself. You are just hanging out and seeing what happens. It is still possible to have a casual, relaxed attitude and be professional, serious, hard-working, etc. This doesn't mean that you should be slack, informal, or uncivilized. You are just not putting excessive pressure on yourself to perform.
Here are some examples of situations where you probably should not be too results oriented:
(1) Talking to someone in an attempt to get a date or phone number--Don't consider it a failure if you try to get a phone number and don't succeed, or if you talk to someone and don't even ask for the number. You are just talking. It shouldn't be that big of a deal either way.
(2) Job interview--Yes, I know you want to get the job when you are interviewing. Positive results are the ultimate goal. You should still not stress yourself out worrying too much, though. Promote yourself as well as you can. If you get it you get it. Don't be tempted to be fake, dishonest or overly impressive. Cutting corners will catch up to you sooner or later.
(3) Public speaking--Try not to get too caught up in trying to get applause or approval. Decide what you want to say and make your best effort to accomplish that goal. Trying to be liked will often result in the opposite result.
(4) At a party or social gathering--The best strategy here is to not try to look like you are the life of the party. The goal should be to talk to who you want to talk to and to be comfortable doing what you want to do. Simple as that. Don't worry about trying to live up to what other people think you should be doing.
When you are too results oriented you instantly turn your situation into a pass/fail scenario. Forget all that. This just puts unnecessary pressure on yourself. Just do what you do and see what happens. A casual mindset is almost always the best way to go.
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