(Tip #87): Know How To Turn Someone Down With Class (and other dating tips) [Update!] - Mingle With Class 101
(*New info in blue) So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips for you.
I have decided to give updates and new information on each of my original 101 Tips For Social Success With Class.
You can find the updates in blue at the end of the original post at the bottom of this page. Happy mingling!
If you have been following my mingle posts up to this point, hopefully you have begun to see an improvement in your social skills. When this happens, you will likely have to deal with something that you may not be used to--attention from people trying to mingle with you. This brings me to my tip for today:
TIP #87: KNOW HOW TO TURN SOMEONE DOWN WITH CLASS
Most of my tips up to this point have been about initiating contact with people. Today I am going to talk about the other side of the story--what to do when another person is showing the interest in you. If it happens that you are also interested, then great! Just stay casual and see how it goes. What should you do, though, when you don't really want to see the person again?
Here are some thoughts:
(1) Don't give out your number out just to get rid of somebody. Some people hate confrontation of any kind. As a result they are willing to lie, deceive, and brush people off just to avoid having to deal with an unpleasant situation. Be an adult and don't be one of these lame people. Good grief.
(2) Be casual. This is my main rule for just about every social situation. The same advice applies when you are doing the rejecting. Being casual and unemotional about it will help you keep the situation from getting too uncomfortable.
(3) Be honest. Honesty shows respect for the other person. Try to use as much tact as possible, of course, but don't be the type of person who can't be counted on to tell the truth.
(4) Don't lead someone on. Let's be honest, most of the time it is pretty clear when someone has a romantic interest in you. When that happens, don't lead them to believe that they have a chance if you know for sure that there isn't one. That is just plain mean.
The more you get out and socialize and become good at it, the more comfortable people will also get with you. This will inevitably lead to more people trying to ask you out. It is unlikely that you will always return the interest. Being able to turn someone down gracefully is a needed skill for the accomplished mingler.
UPDATE (5) Don't let no answer be your "no" answer. The digital age seems to have allowed for this method of turning someone down to spread like wildfire. In past generations, if someone asked you out in person or called you to do it, you wouldn't just turn around and walk away without saying anything. Not unless you were the REALLY rude type (or psycho). With so much communication being done by phone these days, though, just ignoring someone seems to be a clean way to send a "no" message. I guess this is true, but this method is still rude. Avoiding awkwardness is not a good enough excuse. Give a person the courtesy of at least telling them no if you don't want to accept a date request. [note: the best way to avoid the "ignoring turn down", of course, is to actually ask people out in person or by phone. People actually did used to do it this way, believe it or not.]
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