I received the following question from a reader in Alabama:
Should a guy let a girl pay for dinner when he asked her out? A guy took me out to dinner recently and he let me pay for mine. I know his money is tight so I offered to pay but I think the gentlemanly thing to do would have been for him to counter my offer and not let me pay. It doesn't feel like a date since I paid for mine. This has happened before with him. What do you think?
Generally speaking I would say that whoever does the asking should pay for the date. If you offered to pay on your own, though, I don't think you have a legitimate complaint against him. I know where you are coming from when you say that he should have countered, but I don't think the guy should be "marked down" so to speak for it.
Telling him that you were willing to pay when you really wished that he would pay is getting dangerously close to game playing. It is almost as if you are setting a trap for him and setting him up to fail. Be careful about what things you choose to judge harshly. Don't make mountains out of mole hills. It would have been good had he countered your offer, yes. But I don't think it's necessarily bad that he didn't.
If it doesn't feel like a date because you offered to pay and he let you, then that's on you, not him. I believe in the Three Cs of relationships- Communication Communication Communication. I am also a big believer in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I think you are much better off if you establish that your words mean something rather than establishing an expectation of mind reading. I say give the guy a break and see if he acts like a gentleman in other ways.
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