Mingle With Class - (Tip #70) Know How To Ask Someone For A Phone Number (and other dating tips) [UPDATE!]
(*New info in blue) So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips to help you improve your communication, dating, and social skills so you can have a better life.
I have decided to give updates and new information on each of my original 101 Tips For Social Success With Class (that I originally posted about a year ago).
You can find the updates in blue at the end of the original post at the bottom of this page. As usual, please send me your questions and comments and let me know how I can help you. Happy mingling!
Okay, so you meet someone new that you would like to talk to again. The only problem is that you aren't quite sure what to do next. This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP #70: KNOW HOW TO ASK SOMEONE FOR A PHONE NUMBER
Getting contact info is one of the hardest steps of the dating process for a lot of people. They may be extremely good at talking to strangers, making connections, etc. But, when the time comes to express an interest to talk again sometime they freeze up. Who knows how many great opportunities have been lost because of this problem. Here are a few thoughts:
(1) Don't make asking for contact info a big deal. Many people take this process wayyy too seriously (from both sides of it). Asking someone for contact info is not a marriage proposal. It is simply showing an interest to talk again later. That's it. Don't make it more dramatic than it should be from either side.
(2) Don't feel like you are being rude or offensive to ask someone for contact info. Maybe they will say yes, maybe they won't. People who think that it is a major insult just to be asked should grow up and get over it.
(3) Be sure you have a good vibe or connection before asking for contact info. This one seems to contradict numbers 1 and 2. This is not the case. Trying to have a good vibe before asking is simply to help you give yourself the best chances of success.
(4) Don't worry about asking for contact info with people around. Man up. If one of the people who overhears you asking happens to be dating the person, then gracefully apologize and move on. It won't be the end of the world.
(5) Don't worry about being rejected. This is easier said than done, I know. The more casual you are about asking, though, the more casual you can be if your attempt doesn't work.
(6) Have a good reason to get the contact info. Having a specific event to try to go to in the future can make things go more smoothly. This is much better than just saying something like "we should do something sometime." This one is not an absolute must, but it will definitely help your chances of success.
(7) Avoid giving out your contact info without getting it back in return. People who say that they will only take your number but will not give their own out are not likely to call you. If they aren't comfortable enough with you to exchange contact info, then it's probably best to move on and not worry about it.
(8) Don't insist on getting a phone number. Some people feel more safe about giving an email. Respect that wish.
So, there you have it. If you really want to be a successful mingler then you absolutely must get comfortable with asking people for contact info. Don't let a good opportunity get away without at least trying to make something happen.
UPDATE: (9) Don't ask someone for contact info if you don't plan to use it. Some people like to try to get phone numbers just for the sport of it. They have no intention of ever calling. Other people may like to try to get phone numbers just to practice so they can be ready when they really care about making something happen. Neither of these are acceptable. This may not seem like a big deal, but let's try to be classy even in the little things. Show enough respect for people that you don't toy with them and use them as a way to practice your skills or feed your ego.
Being able to ask for contact information well is an extremely important skill if you want to be able to mingle with class. Notice that I didn't say this was a tip to help you get contact information. That is not the point here. Sometimes you will get it, sometimes you won't. When you know how to ask for contact for information in a classy way, though, the outcome is not such a big deal. It's good when you get it, it's no big deal when you don't. That is a great way to help you be at ease during the whole process.
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