So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips for you, as I update my original posts. New information is below the original post.
My mingle tip for this week is very important. It applies to almost every mingling situation that exists (much more than just dating). My tip for this week is this:
MINGLE TIP #2: DON'T BE A TRY-HARD
Here are some thoughts:
(1) A try-hard is someone who tries as hard as they can to try to gain something in the social world--popularity, acceptance, a date, a job, a tip, etc. This person's efforts stand out like a sore thumb. You definitely do not want to be this person. Yuck.
(2) Being a try-hard means you can't be casual at the same time. This goes directly against the very important tip from last week (have a "hang out" mindset). When you have the "hang out" mindset like I discussed, it is impossible to also be a try-hard. The two attitudes are complete opposites of each other.
(3) Being a try-hard is not attractive. Not at all. I don't know why so many people think it does. It makes you look like a chump. It gives the impression that you are being fake in an attempt to get what you want (even if what you want is simply to be liked).
The main focus of my program is to learn how to be as comfortable as possible in all social situations. If you are comfortable, you don't have to worry about trying to impress people. They will be impressed naturally by your comfort level. Do what you do, be who you are, and don't apologize. Then let the chips fall where they may.
(side note: If you are in a sales/waiting tables type of job and you like the results that you are getting from faking it, then I am not telling you to stop. If you are a good enough actor or actress to get away with that then great. That style is just not for me. If you are happy with your results you don't need my help anyway).
UPDATE: When it comes to dating, being a try-hard is especially unattractive. It may seem like the opposite should be true. Who wouldn't want someone who was trying as hard as possible to make them happy, right? Not so fast. Most people aren't looking for a servant or caretaker. They want someone who will challenge them, respect them, and be honest with them. Try-hards get really boring. Fast.
So, instead of trying to think of ways to win someone over, look for a great connection instead. Once you find that, trying to make someone happy will be much more natural. And definitely more appropriate.
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