There is no person in the world that everyone likes.
If you can think of one, I'd like to know who it is. The rest of us have to live with the fact that no matter what we do, some people will like us and some people won't like us. Some people may even hate us. It's unavoidable. So what do we do with this information? How we handle it is actually the key to being relaxed in any social situation. Here are some thoughts:
(1) Don't try to make people like you. Trying too hard makes you want to do anything you can to win people over. This might include being fake, being overly nice or peppy, or even sacrificing your moral standards. It's not worth it. Be yourself and let people think what they want.
(2) Don't stress out or worry about the possibility that people may not like you. You already know there is some chance that this is going to happen anyway, regardless of what you do. Don't make it a big deal. It won't be the end of the world if everyone doesn't love you.
(3) Try to figure out as soon as possible if you click with someone. You can usually get an idea about this pretty quickly. I'm not saying that it is impossible that someone won't eventually warm up to you. Just don't spend too much time or effort hoping that it happens.
(4) Spend as little time as possible with people who don't like you. Breaking this rule is one of the biggest mistakes that people make in social situations. When it seems like someone doesn't like them they feel like they have to ramp up their efforts to try to be liked. This often just makes it worse. Good grief. Have some respect for yourself. Why waste time on people who don't like you?
So, when you are meeting new people, there is no need to freak out about whether they like you or not. Just talk to them and see how you get along. If you get along, great! If not, that's how it goes. No big deal. This approach can eliminate a lot of stress and worry and allow you to relax when you are meeting people. You are free to just be yourself and see what happens.
*Find me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
I know a lot about women. Okay, maybe I just know a little. It actually could just be one thing.
Most of what I do know comes from either making my own mistakes or from watching others make them. If there is one thing that I have learned through these experiences, it's that most women don't seem to like men who are wishy washy. If you aren't careful, you can make this mistake from the first time you meet and ask a woman out. So be careful men.
Here are some thoughts:
(1) Never ask a woman out immediately after you meet her. This approach communicates one thing--I like the way you look, so I want to date you. This is insulting to most women. Make a little effort to get to know her before you get to that point.
(2) Be specific about what your plan is. Don't talk about "hanging out" or something general like that. Tell her exactly where you want to go and when. Don't tell her that you may be free later in the week and would she go if you became available. Good grief.
(3) Don't ask for a date at the last minute. This may be okay to do with your buddies or even with a woman that you are friends with. If you are asking for a date though, it's not good.
(4) Don't ask her out by text, email, etc. Asking in person is best, with a phone call a distant second. Don't even consider anything else unless there is absolutely no choice. I have heard mixed opinions about this one from women, but why risk it? As a general rule, very young women may not see a text request as an insult. Why risk missing out on someone good, though? Man up.
Be sure that you understand the difference between asking a woman out for a date and just asking to talk to her again to get to know her better. The classy move is not quite the same for both situations.
*Follow me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
The growing use of technology in the way we communicate with each other can have a negative affect on our manners and social skills if we aren't careful.
Whether it's a result of the general anonymity of the internet or just a product of the absence of face to face contact, people seem to be getting less and less concerned about showing respect to the person on the other end of conversations. One of the ways this shows up is the ugly practice of ignoring someone who asks you a question. This is not a good thing to do. Here are some thoughts:
(1) (Almost) always answer questions sent by text, email, or phone. It is a slap in the face to not answer someone who asks you a question, even if it is a minor one. Don't just leave it alone. Don't take five days to respoind. Try to avoid being too casual about ignoring people, even accidentally.
(2) The only time to NOT answer people is if you want to get rid of them. This is the only exception. It's okay to ignore people if they are a jerk, a crazy person or maybe someone on a dating site that you would rather not talk to. But these are about the ONLY times that it's okay. Don't make the mistake of accidentally treating someone like you don't like them.
(3) No question is too small to answer. The seriousness of the question is not the point. Manners are manners.
(4) Don't think that ignoring a question is an acceptable replacement for a "no" answer. Doing this not only lazy, it's just plain rude.
(5) Try to answer within 24 hours of the time when the question is asked. I'm not saying that you should be staring at your phone all day waiting to answer everyone immediately. Answering during the same day a question is asked is reasonable. Next day at the latest is a must.
So, separate yourself from the growing number of knuckleheads who are so casual about letting questions go unanswered. Make a point to try to answer everything that's asked. Leave yourself a note or set an alarm if you have to. The way we communicate with people is a great opportunity to show how much we value them.
*Follow me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
The word "independence" can have a lot of meanings when it comes to dating. Independence can mean:
*not needing anyone's help financially.
*not letting anybody tell you what to do.
*not needing to date someone.
I have some thoughts about this topic that will hopefully be helpful whether you are in a relationship or just looking for one:
(1) Don't ever make a relationship mean everything to you. Being in a relationship that works is great, but it is not the end all, be all of existence. Learn to be happy and content whether you are with someone or not. This attitude will also help make you a more desirable catch when the time does come that you find the right match.
(2) Don't compromise your beliefs, morals, or standards to be with someone. Doing this kind of thing just screams out that you are D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. Desperation is never the basis of a healthy relationship. Nobody is worth sacrificing your standards for.
(3) Don't settle for someone you aren't totally into out of fear of being alone. Don't give some jerk power over you just because you don't want to be single. Good grief. Have some respect for yourself.
(4) Watch out for bossy people. If someone that you are dating is getting bossy or pushy with you early on, then guess what--they are probably going to get even more bossy and pushy the further it goes. Even if you think you like the "take charge" type, too much of that in the beginning not a good sign.
(5) Don't go out of your way to try to prove to people how independent you are. Okay, so you don't need a man. We get it. This is one of those things that is better to think, but not necessarily say so much. Don't wear your independence like some kind of badge of honor. Just live it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone to date, marry, etc. Just don't let yourself become obsessed with it. Good luck!
Follow me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
I was hanging out recently and something got my attention--there are a lot of ugly people out there. I know, I know, I am a terrible person. I shouldn't talk about ugly people. Don't judge me! This is simply scientific fact. Some people are beautiful, some are ugly. Most are in between. Those are facts of life.
So, if you are an ugly person (or if you just think you are ugly), what should you do about dating? Are you cursed to be alone for the rest of your life? Far from it. Ugly people can find love too (and it may not even have to be with another ugly person).
Have no fear, ugly people, I have some dating tips that can help even you. A lot of these tips can be helpful for everyone, but they are especially applicable for your situation:
(1) Accept that you are ugly. Face reality. Don't worry about things you can't change. Now it may be the case that losing some weight or getting a new hair cut or something could do wonders for your looks. Change some things if you can, but don't worry about the things that you can't control. Accept what you have to work with.
(2) Be rich, famous, or powerful. The bad news is that it is extremely difficult to be any of these things. Most people aren't. The great news, contrary to popular belief, is that these aren't the only ways that an ugly person can get a date.
(3) Don't be a kiss up. This is one of my favorite dating tips for any situation. People aren't impressed by kissing up. Don't resort to sugar blowing to try to compensate for your less than wonderful looks. It wont work.
(4) Be funny. People are more likely to want to date you if you have a good sense of humor. Boring gets old fast, no matter what you look like. Just don't confuse this with thinking you should be a clown. You don't want to be a monkey who has to perform.
(5) Be willing to joke and tease (lightly). This tip is connected to numbers 3 and 4. Don't be so concerned about someone's opinion of you that you won't joke and tease with them. Just be careful not to go too far. There is a very fine line between playfully teasing and being a jerk.
(6) Get involved/volunteer. If you can't win someone over by walking up to them and letting your good looks do the work, then do some good and get involved in your community. Working for good toward a common goal will let people see your winning personality as they get to know you.
(7) Have sincere beliefs/faith. Believe it or not, some people think that committed religious beliefs are much more important than looks. This trait can be very attractive to certain people. They may be rare, but hey, I didn't promise that this would be easy. Just not impossible.
(8) Be smart. That's right people. Every woman out there isn't just looking for a muscly, beefcake type of guy. Some of them are actually into smart people. Maybe you can watch Star Wars or one of those wizard movies together.
So there you have it. No matter how ugly you are, there is hope for you. And don't think you need to do everything on this list to find success. Just one of them might do the trick for you! So get out there and meet some people and see what happens. Just be sure you remember to always mingle with class.
Follow me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
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