Failure has a bad reputation. The fear of failing can keep some people from even trying to succeed at all. I say that not only should you not fear failure, but that you should embrace it. When it comes to dating and trying to meet people, if you aren't failing very much, then you aren't trying enough. My goal is to show people that failing is not that big a deal.
I decided to do a mingle experiment to explore this concept.
Ask for phone numbers from interesting women that I meet during a given day, until I get turned down.
For seven days in a row.
*I have to ask women for numbers that I sincerely want to see again. No forcing it.
*I have to ask someone I just met or don't know. No using a "ringer" that I already know.
*I have to keep going until I fail once per day, no matter how many times I am successful.
*I have to ask until I fail for seven straight days.
Note: I will not be discussing any successful attempts that I have during this process. This study is about the failures...
As usual I will be risking my own reputation to help and entertain people. Enjoy...
I was in one of my favorite places today--Starbucks. I like the relaxed vibe that you will find in most Starbucks, and of course I like the fact that it is easy to start conversations with people there. I especially like to be out at places like this when I am doing some writing. A little noise helps me focus. Most of my posts are written from one of the eight or so Starbucks with a 30 mile radius of my house.
I walked into one of my usual Starbucks locations and noticed that there were two people in the whole place. There were a couple of women sitting together toward the back. So, of course, I sat close enough to be able to make a throwaway comment if I felt like it.
It looked like the women were studying something and I noticed that one of them seemed to have a foreign accent. So, naturally I asked them if one of them was giving an English lesson.
It turned out that the two women were both from other countries and they were studying for their English class. One of them was from Germany and the other one was from Peru. They were very friendly, but it was hard for me to tell exactly how much English they knew.
The woman from Germany especially got my attention, so I decided to see if I could try to talk to her again sometime. The problem was that I really wasn't quite sure how much she understood me. This made things a little tricky.
Since I didn't really know how strong her vocabulary was, I decided that I had no choice but to go direct. It is not something that I usually recommend when first meeting someone, but I felt like the language barrier left me no choice. Also, there is something I like about international women, so don't think that I was just going to let this opportunity go by. Good one.
I went direct and asked the woman from Germany if she had a boyfriend. She said that she did have one back home, and that she wasn't going to be staying in the U.S. for long. So it goes.
I used to recommend being extremely direct when meeting someone new that you wanted to see again. Asking if someone had a boyfriend or was single was no problem. I have now changed my mind on this approach. I think too much directness with a stranger can unnecessarily make the person uncomfortable and hurt your chances. A casual comment about hanging out sometime or getting together later is much better.
In this case, because of the language barrier, I felt like being direct was the only way to go. Sometimes you just have to do what you think is best. Just remember to try to keep it civilized and be respectful.
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