Failure has a bad reputation. The fear of failing can keep some people from even trying to succeed at all. I say that not only should you not fear failure, but that you should embrace it. When it comes to dating and trying to meet people, if you aren't failing very much, then you aren't trying enough. My goal is to show people that failing is not that big a deal.
I decided to do a mingle experiment to explore this concept.
Ask for phone numbers from interesting women that I meet during a given day, until I get turned down.
For seven days in a row.
*I have to ask women for numbers that I sincerely want to see again. No forcing it.
*I have to ask someone I just met or don't know. No using a "ringer" that I already know.
*I have to keep going until I fail once per day, no matter how many times I am successful.
*I have to ask until I fail for seven straight days.
Note: I will not be discussing any successful attempts that I have during this process. This study is about the failures...
As usual I will be risking my own reputation to help and entertain people. Enjoy...
(Day 7--Dance Club)
In my younger days I used to go to dance clubs about once a week, sometimes more. It's not really my thing anymore, but I decided to go back to one of my old spots today. It was crowded, as usual, with plenty of chances to talk to people.
When I am in a dance club I like to position myself near places where the most people are. That way it is easy to make a throwaway comment if I want to without being dramatic about it. This time I was standing off to the side a little, but still with a view of the dance area.
There was a group of women nearby and I noticed that they started moving around strangely and then laughing. I knew that could only mean one thing--they were making fun of someone on the dance floor. This is one of the most popular things that people like to do at dance clubs. You can't let the fear of this stop you from dancing. Usually most of the people who are dancing don't know what they are doing anyway, so who cares.
I asked the woman nearest me if they actually were making fun of people dancing, and sure enough they were. They were ruthlessly talking about some poor guy on the dance floor trying to strut his stuff. I won't even repeat the things they were saying about him, it might make him cry if he ever reads this.
Despite the secretly vicious attacks on the unknowing dancer, I admit that I was entertained. I know, I know, I am a terrible person. The woman I talked to was so funny, though. I couldn't help it. This probably says a lot about me, but I think there is something cool about people who can think up good insults. These women were great at it.
Eventually the friends went off somewhere and I kept talking to the one I originally spoke to. I told her that I would probably be dancing in a few minutes and that I wanted one of her ruthless critiques for me. We seemed to be getting along pretty well, so of course I suggested that we get together sometime. Almost immediately after I made that comment, the group of friends showed up again and pulled her away. It was like magic. I never did get an answer to my question about talking again sometime. It happens. No big deal. I don't know if that officially counts as a failure or not. It was as close as I got today.
This ends my study to see if I could get turned down for seven days in a row. I managed to make it happen six out of the seven days, so I am happy with the results.
All of the locations that I went to as a part of this study were places where I had talked to women at some point in the past and wanted to make something happen, but didn't. I think we have all been in that situation before. This doesn't have to happen.
My goal for this study is to help people know what to do so they don't let those situations slip away. You should be ready to at least making an attempt to do something about it.
I made a point to be extremely casual whenever I was talking to people during this study. This is the key to being successful in these situations. Don't try to impress. Don't try to win someone over. Just be relaxed and casually mention the possibility of talking again sometime, and see what happens. Try to look for a connection. No big deal either way.
Asking to see someone again that you just met should be no big deal. Don't make it one. If you are single and you connect with someone, don't hesitate to investigate future possibilities.
Follow me on Twitter @TheMingleMaster
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