Okay, so you were just hanging out somewhere and you managed to get a phone number from someone interesting. Now what? When should you call (or text) back? What should you say? This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP #42: 6 WAYS TO CALL AND TEXT EFFECTIVELY
Here are some thoughts about calling and texting (especially to someone you have just met):
(1) Be casual. This is one of my main tips for all social situations. This is not the time to make a big deal out of everything. Don't try to impress and feel like you have to entertain. You are just someone who wants to arrange for another meeting with the person. Keep that "just hanging out" attitude even on the phone.
(2) Forget the old "wait two days before calling" rule. This move is so old that I think Alexander Graham Bell came up with it when he first invented the telephone. I understand the logic--you don't want to appear desperate, so you force yourself to wait a little while before calling. I am not suggesting that you call or text five minutes after you get a phone number, but there is nothing wrong with getting in touch soon, either. This is especially true if there was a little connection or vibe going on. Get in touch while that experience is still fresh.
(3) DON'T be the type who ignores calls or messages to show disinterest. This is such an immature thing to do. Good grief. I hear so many comments from people about this kind of thing happening regularly. It seems to be catching on as a popular way to turn someone down in our impersonal, cell phone centered world. Show some respect for yourself and for the other person and take a minute to tell them you aren't interested. Even if you want to do it safely with a text, do whatever you can to avoid being in the "call and text ignoring loser club".
(4) Don't try to be too cute or funny in the first text or call. There is nothing wrong with having a fun personality, but it may be a good idea to keep that to yourself at first. Let them get to the know the real you in person. Trying too hard to be funny or clever over the phone might scare the person off if they don't know your sense of humor. You don't have to try to win someone over on the phone. The most important thing is to make them comfortable enough to want to spend time with you again.
(5) Don't answer every single text and phone call immediately. Be careful not to misunderstand this one. This move is getting close to game playing, which we don't want to do, of course. You might be thinking that answering fast shows good manners, or that you may as well answer immediately if you are able to. Just don't be like a little puppy who is sitting around waiting to answer calls and texts.
(6) Make the first meeting short and at a very safe place. If you are dying to go big and try to take someone out out for a romantic dinner on the first date, then go for it. In my opinion, though, it's better to keep things simple and go somewhere crowded and safe. Remember, the person doesn't know you that well yet.
(7) Guys--avoid texting excessive smiley faces, multiple "k"s, over capping, and excessive exclamation points. Guys--one of the worst things you can do is to try too hard to be "cute." I will write more about this in the future, but trying to look cute on the phone makes you look like a try hard. Avoid too many smiley faces. Don't use exclamation points or write every other sentence like you are excited about everything. Be cool. Also, don't replace the word "okay" with a bunch of "k"s (ie KK) when you are texting. Say it out loud and see how it sounds. It's baby talk. Be a man, not a cute child. Break off the exclamation point key from your phone or computer if you have to.
(8) Have a reason to text. Let's face it, over texting can be annoying. Be careful not to be the person who sends an avalanche of texts to someone every time you have a thought. A good general rule is that the less time you have known someone, the less you should text. Not only does excessive texting make you look overeager, it can also just be flat out annoying.
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