So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips for you, as I update my original posts. New information is below the original post.
Checking out women is like a hobby for a lot of men. Going to the beach, a bar, or yoga class can be like a buffet of visual treats for them. If your goal is more than girl watching, however, this may not be a great idea. This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP #96: MEN: DON'T STARE
I won't lie--some women may love being stared at. My tips rarely apply to 100% of all people. I try instead to focus on giving you the best overall odds of success. I do think that in the long run staring will hurt your chances with someone more often than it will help.
Here are a few thoughts:
(1) Women are good at noticing you noticing. Don't ever think you are being secretive about staring. I didn't get a full understanding of this until I shaved my head a few years ago. I noticed that during conversation people would often sneak a quick peek at the top of my head. It's impossible to hide. I realized that the same is probably true when men try to take a quick look away from the old eyes when they are talking to a woman. Don't kid yourself, men. They notice.
(2) Staring at a woman may hurt your chances with her. I generally try to avoid giving moral advice in these posts, but focus on practical advice instead. The same is true here. I am not getting into the question of the "rightness and wrongness" of staring at a woman. My point is that many times checking out a woman can hurt your chances with her before you even say a word. It can come across as offensive.
(3) Staring is a lame way to try to start a conversation. "Maybe when she see's me staring at her she will be impressed and come over and talk to me!" or "Maybe staring at her will make me look cool and mysterious and she will wonder what I'm thinking and come over!" Stop it. Staring at her and doing nothing will make you look like a gutless creep. Just stir up some courage and make your move once eye contact is established.
So, there you have it. Give yourself the best chance for success with women and keep your staring in check. Separate yourself from the rest of the pack (at least from the guys who aren't also following my tips) and enjoy the results.
BONUS: (4) Staring is not unavoidable. How often do you hear men excuse their bad behavior by saying it is just the way men behave. Ugh. We aren't animals who don't think about what they are doing. If you think that staring/leering/lusting at a woman is wrong or unsuccessful, then don't make excuses. You have the power to control yourself.
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