Mingle With Class - (Tip #60) Men: Don't Think You Have To Be A Jerk To Do Well With Women (and other dating tips) [UPDATE!]
(*New info in blue) So Apparently my list of 101 Mingle Tips has not solved all of the dating and social skills problems in the world. There are still a lot of lonely, poorly mannered, and socially uncomfortable people out there. So here I am. Back with more tips to help you improve your communication, dating, and social skills so you can have a better life.
I have decided to give updates and new information on each of my original 101 Tips For Social Success With Class (that I originally posted about a year ago).
You can find the updates in blue at the end of the original post at the bottom of this page. Happy mingling!
A common belief about dating is that the best women go for jerks, and that "nice" guys finish last. I am not going to lie to you, sometimes this is true. But it may not be for the reason you think. This brings me to my tip for today:
MINGLE TIP #60: MEN: DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO BE A JERK TO DO WELL WITH WOMEN
I don't think that women go for these guys because they love that special "jerk" quality. The reason they like them is that these types of guys are the best they can hope for. How is that possible? It turns out that jerks often also have some qualities that may actually be desirable (in spite of their jerkiness). Here are a few thoughts:
(1) Jerks can be appealing because they are comfortable with themselves. As I have mentioned before, discomfort is a huge turn off. When you are comfortable, you make people around you comfortable. And vice versa. Even a jerk who is comfortable with himself can look better than a nice guy who isn't comfortable.
(2) Jerks can be appealing because they don't kiss up. Contrary to what many people believe, most women do not want a guy who kisses up to them all the time (what I call a "sugar blower"). Being worshiped like a princess might be fun for a little while, but it gets boring fast and rarely works well in the long run.
(3) Jerks can be appealing because they are fun. Not caring too much about what other people think allows a person to be much more relaxed and fun to be around. A little mischief is not necessarily always bad, either.
(4) Jerks can be appealing because they don't walk on eggshells hoping that they aren't offensive. I am not saying that you should go out of your way to be rude and obnoxious. But, is it possible to worry too much about the possibility of being offensive? If you are so careful that you measure everything you say and do to make sure it won't be challenged or disagreed with, then you are being a wuss. I'm sorry. Man up.
(5) It is not necessarily the rude, jerky behavior of bad boys that attracts women. No, it is the not so terrible side qualities that come along with it that can win them over. These qualities can be so desirable that they can make a woman overlook the overall jerkiness of the guy. That is powerful!
So, the next time you start thinking that you should act like more of a jerk to attract a woman, stop yourself. Don't lower yourself to that. It's not necessary. It's not the jerk part that makes these guys successful with women, it is the not so terrible other qualities of jerks that are really what is attractive.
UPDATE: (6) Jerks can be appealing because they are confident. We hear all the time that being confident is attractive and being arrogant is not. Jerks may flirt with this line sometimes, but there is no doubt that confidence is sexy to most people.
(7) Jerks can be appealing because they are real. They don't apologize for how they act or who they are. You can like them or not. There is something very attractive about being so secure in who you are.
So, men, the next time you start feeling frustrated that jerks are the only guys who get the good women, know that there is hope for you. Instead of thinking you have to be a jerk to attract the woman of your dreams, just borrow some of the good qualities that jerks have and combine that with your usual classy behavior. You will have the best of both worlds and really be attractive and separate yourself from most of the competition.
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